Forgiveness, even I deserve it.

Yesterday I decided to take the bull by the proverbial horns and finally get control of an eating disorder that has plagued me my whole life. There are no shortcuts. There is only a desire to gain control of my life.

I would need to start with forgiveness, of myself. To believe that I am worthy of an enjoyable life with people who love me, I first have to get to the place where I believe it also. I also agree that one forgives to the degree that one loves. That says something doesn’t it?

I have told countless people that they deserve better than they are letting themselves have. I always believe that others deserve the happiness that is right there waiting for them. Why do I stand in the shadows watching as the happiness skips on by me. The feeling of worthiness, if felt at all, is a remote hazy cloud that dances around me. It dares me to try to catch it but when I do, it slips through my fingers like I never possessed it at all.

It occurs to me that unforgiveness really is a sickness that slowly seeps into all areas of a life. It skews your perception of everything. I deserve no less favor than those to whom I offer unconditional forgiveness. I have forgiven the unthinkable on more than one occasion and yet I cannot extend myself the same courtesy. I can find no justification, or so I tell myself. After all to forget, I must let go of the life long penance that I am intent on paying.
God is telling me He has a better way and He will be there to make sure I get the job done.
There is but one place to start the forgiveness process. To ask God to help me choose to forgive myself.

God does not choose to forgive one person and not another, He forgives us all if we ask and believe in Jesus Christ. Can I do any less?

I believe it is a process and at least for awhile will be a daily struggle. It has become a comfortable place. I can always use my past to explain away the not so good parts of my “now”. That is a cop out, plain and simple.

I know that to forgive myself is to let go of the past baggage (weight issues) so that I can move closer to God.
To dwell on the perceived darkness of the past is diametrically opposed to dwelling on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable.
Do I feel I am unworthy and unlovable because of extra pounds? Oh yes I do but that is simply emotional drivel and needs to be cast aside. Am I worthy of God’s love even overweight? Oh yes I am for He looks at the heart. Can I trust God enough to believe and count of this truth. With His help I can.
To live in unforgiveness, whether it is of yourself or others, is a prideful act that God does not condone.

Forgiving myself will change the direction of my life. It can change yours also. With your help Father, I am ready to move forward and find a positive difference that only you can make.

……….and so I ride


Let’s Try Something New This Year

Isaiah 43:19

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will  make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Here we are again, at the start of a new year, a new beginning, a fresh start. I am determined to make this year different, starting with resolutions. I don’t want to make a resolution, follow it for two weeks and go back to the same old stuff that wasn’t working.

There has got to be a better way, there has got to be some great secret to making lasting changes, changes that can transform a life. I am pretty sure  that it does not involve breaking the Rankin bank, buying all the latest, greatest, easiest and “guaranteed” to transform your life gadgets.  I am pretty sure that it also doesn’t mean to focus on one earthly area exclusively and letting all other areas of our lives fall by the wayside.

Don’t get me wrong, we all make resolutions and make them with the best of intentions. But the mistake we make is to try to make those resolutions work under our own power. I know, we can and do get places under our own power………………..but usually only for awhile and only to a certain degree.

How do we know what God has in store for us unless we trust Him enough to give Him the chance to do it?

Maybe a better way to do it would be to make our resolutions and then turn them over to God, tap into the power He can provide to transform us.

It seems like when it comes right down to it, healthy or unhealthy living comes down to desire and the fact our lives revolve around those things we  desire. In fact our desires can get us in a bit of hot water now and again, depending on what it is we are lusting after.

The things we desire come in all shapes and sizes, money, food, alcohol, power, control, career, keeping up  with the jones, having the most, the biggest and the best.

What I failed to realize is that my focus in on the wrong desire. I asked God to give me an all consuming and overwhelming desire to be healthy. Healthy #1 Spiritually #2 Mentally#3 Physically

I truly believe that if I focus my attention 100% on seeking God that the rest will fall into place. It might not fall into place as easily or as quickly  as I want it to but it will fall into place just as God has planned it to.

I need the desire to be more than lukewarm, I don’t want it to be a feeling of “I want to be healthy but I’ll do it my way” We all know how that works out for us. I need this desire to be a powerful desire, a desire that comes from my heart and is governed by and powered through  my Almighty God.

I know I am on a spiritual journey and as with any journey, it is easy to get sidetracked. It is called a rabbit chase in a bible study I attend. But the bottom line is I am tired of compromising and settling for second best, I am tired of not being comfortable in my own skin. I want my spiritual journey to lead me exactly where God wants me to end up, therefore in this spiritual journey I have to make sensible and realistic choices.

I do believe with my whole heart that God has a plan for each of us, a plan of great detail from beginning to end.

I do believe that if our number one desire is for God that the rest will fall into place as it is supposed to and by shifting our focus to God, we can have all we desire.

Happy 2014 my friends!



The Jesus Myth

The Jesus Myth

Life is full of myths and if you don’t watch it, they will get you!

Take diets and healthy living for example. I learned the hard way but let me tell you, you quit eating right, you quit exercising, you pay for it. You develop lazy habits, lousy eating patterns and you gain “baggage” where it isn’t supposed to be.

All of a sudden you don’t feel as good as you used to, you don’t look as good and you have to start wearing baggy clothing to hide the baggage.

So it is with a relationship with God. I found out the hard way in both these areas. Well in the spirit of the new year and the age old resolutions, I vowed to get back in shape in both areas.

I had researched (of course I had) the best way to get back to where I needed to be health wise, which translates into the easiest. All I got was confused. I read that to lose weight you had to cut out whole food groups, or cut out just fat, or cut out carbohydrates, or you could exercise and eat what- ever you wanted. Well put them all together and its simple, you can’t eat anything.

So instead I went out and bought the latest on the diet subject, all the latest, greatest, easy fix diet books, I got the video that promised if I gave them 2.2 minutes a day my body would look like a movie stars, I bought wonderful new, state of the art exercise clothes, exercise monitor and tennis shoes. WooHoo, I was set to get fit. Guess what, none of that worked as long as I was still sitting in my recliner. It takes perseverance, willpower, and motivation to get healthy, mostly it takes getting out of the recliner.


It is a lot like that in my relationship with God. Yes His arms are always open, and He will welcome you at any time. He will soften hearts to hear the message He brings and He will provide plenty of opportunities to build a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with Him.

However, just like leading a healthy life, you have to get out of the recliner and you have to do more than “go along just enough to get along”

It takes the same perseverance, willpower and motivation; sometimes it even takes getting a little (or a lot) uncomfortable if we want all that God has to offer us.

God, diets, exercise, quitting bad habits, if it is good for you it certainly could hurt a little bit…………….for a time. It won’t last forever and God is Captain of this ship, He will bring you into port in His time.

So get out of your recliner and start building the life you want, the life you deserve and the life God wants to give you.