Coasting through yet another weight loss plan. Day One

I decided to participate in another weight loss challenge. I thought to myself that surely one of these days, one diet or another would miraculously make me thin. I saw the Healthy By Design- Weight Loss God’s Way 21 Day Challenge by Cathie Morenzie and I thought, what the heck, I will give it a whirl. Maybe this was my miracle.

 So I signed up, bought the book, (you know, to add to my collection) and settled in to see what happened. Thinking back on the last couple of days, I can see that I wasn’t really committed and not sure I wanted to put forth the effort it would take to give this a go. I guess I wanted to give it a shot to prove that I “was trying” to do something about my health And weight. I needed those around me to see (think) that I was putting forth an effort but I didn’t necessarily actually want to do it. . The fact is that the effort looked a lot more impressive from the outside than it did from the inside.

Quick overview of Day One- We were given Psalm 139:23,24 as our scripture. There was encouragement in the reaffirmation that there are no quick fixes and that change is a process. We were to begin doing the things we wanted to see in our lives, whether or not we felt like it because permanent change best comes through small but consistent steps. Healthy living and a healthy weight isn’t about eating the right foods and exercising, it is about a mindset, it is about behaviors and following healthy patterns.

Yea, yea, yea, I knew all that, had heard it a thousand times. I was still waiting for my miracle, my straight shot to weight loss. I was discouraged and my eating that day reflected that. Cookies for breakfast, deep fried pork sandwich for lunch and Alfredo for supper. Yes, it is true that I tracked my food as promised (another thing I could brag about) but I really had no desire to eat healthy. So far so good with this challenge.

Determined not to drop out of yet another challenge/weight loss plan, I decided to re-read some of the emails for encouragement. There was one short line that grabbed me and has not let me go yet.

“The answer to lasting weight loss lies in unlocking and ACTIVATING biblical principles and breaking the chains of bondage that bind us.” …………..oh…………….wow. Let that little phrase soak in a moment or two.

God has given us principles to govern our lives. What would happen if we actually put them in place and activate the authority and power that we possess as children of God? You know what? I want to experience victory, freedom and peace. God has already given me the tools, let’s see what happens if I own those things I already possess and use them in this weight loss/healthy living journey.

Dottie

…………and so I ride

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Getting Real

Things are going to get real for me today. I am going to venture off the path I usually take in my writing and cautiously step out of my self imposed box. It is scary for me. Laying a soul open is never easy but often necessary. Getting to the bare truth of a situation means venturing uncomfortable places and even places that are muddy. To get to the absolute bare truth one must shine the light of brutal honesty. Leaving oneself vulnerable can be brutal but beneficial. It is only then that we can start to live with honesty and start the journey that God has long ago assigned to us.

To coin an old and often used phrase, today, I will start the first truly honest day of the rest of my life.

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Weight has been an issue for me my whole life. I was not overweight in grade school or in high school but I can remember many diets. I was trying to get weight off that was only in my imagination. My Mom (who was overweight) even took me to Weight Watchers with her when I was in grade school. They refused to let me join because in their words, I was not overweight. That did not deter my Mom or myself, it was still diet after diet to get to a weight that was acceptable. I suppose this was my Mom’s way to make sure I always stayed at a “normal” weight and would never have to deal with the weight issues she did. It backfired, big time. Diets, binges, diets, binges and over the years my weight went nowhere except up. Oh there were times that I lost weight and felt wonderful. However, there was never a time that the weight did not return and along with the original pounds came a few extra.
Fast forward to my late forties and I finally found the solution. Barbaric surgery, in my case, Lap Band. Starting at a high weight of 236 I lost about a hundred pounds. I looked great, felt great and basked in the attention. Then life did what it always does. Times got hard, really hard and I went scampering back to the only thing that I could ever count on for comfort, food. Eight years post surgery I find myself having regained 50 of my 100 pounds.

My relationship with food was what gave me a weight problem. The surgeon had fixed my stomach. He did not fix my head. Actually, the surgeon did his job. My band worked well and did its job. It was my self image,emotions and erroneous thinking that failed me. I was looking to a diet and a surgeon for something that was life-changing. I was looking in the wrong place.

I have always hated myself for being heavy and have never forgiven myself for my sinful relationship with food. However, nothing is as bad as regaining weight after bariatric surgery. That holds a special kind of shame.

I have been trying to figure out why I am getting no-where in my efforts to lose the extra weight. I can not keep motivation, food literally speaks to me, it just doesn’t seem worth the effort and it seems easier to live life as a plus size woman. Except and this is a big except, I feel tired, my muscles hurt, my knees and feet kill me, I waddle like a duck and feel like I need a crane as am unfolding myself from a sitting position. Getting out of a low vehicle probably looks comical but is anything but. I am on a fast road to diabetes and many other diseases related to obesity. However, the biggest thing is that I know that God wants me to come to Him for all the things I think I receive from food. I know this with a certainty that comes from deep inside me and that I can actually feel burning. My relationship with food is a sin I need to repent of.

I have felt like a failure my whole life and I have a deep seated hatred for the weakness inside me that makes me seek food for comfort. I have never forgiven myself for being weak, self destructive and selfish.I have never forgiven myself for finding a remedy to obesity then blowing that opportunity and regaining weight.

There is only one solution to this problem and it starts today.

It starts with this verse.
Isaiah 43: 25 “I, even I, am he who blots out
your transgressions, for my own sake,
and remembers your sins no more.

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Can you feel the hope and cleansing whiteness in that verse?

I CHOOSE to hate myself and live in self-condemnation. God does exactly the opposite. My unforgiveness only hinders my efforts to become healthy. How can I be healthy when the cancer of unforgiveness festers in my soul and poisons everything around me?

Today is a new day and I am a new being in Christ. I will CHOOSE to wear that robe proudly. God CHOOSES to forgive me, forget my sin and the gloriously wipes the slate clean. This is a very important piece of the puzzle. I need to choose to forgive myself for the weight gain and then forget it and move on………. from this day forward.

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I am no longer who I once was. I will walk forth as the wonderful women of God I am. I am clean and pure and will start living that way from today. I truly believe that only when we have forgiven and forgotten our past transgressions can we give ourselves the best chance for success in our walk to health and in our role as children of a FORGIVING God.
I will take my cues on behavior from Him.
From this day forward my relationship with food will be replaced with a hunger for God. How I fill my soul is up to me. I will make wise choices.

Dottie
……………and so I ride

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