A Cord of Three Strands

Why do we get married? We have heard many reasons, to meet our romantic and emotional needs, we marry with the idea that our spouses will be  all we ever wanted or all we need. We marry looking for fulfillment in the marriage relationship. Finally, we found the spouses of our dreams, life is good.

Then not long after the marriage and honeymoon are over, we step back into real life and say to ourselves, wow, my partner has a lot of changing to do! We we have all done that, admit it.  Darn it, just as I entered marriage with my idea of what my marriage would be all about, so did my spouse, but neither of those purposes lined up with what God wants from our marriage.

Could it be that God intends for our marriages to shape us into the image of Christ? Could it be that our marriages are not all about getting every little need met in each other but the process shapes us into the people God wants us to be?  Could it be that expecting to get all our emotional and romantic needs met in marriage is really just self gratification and not a solid base for a marriage?

Now I know that these things are important and they do have their place in marriage, but should it be the primary concern we have? Are we more committed to the notion of what a marriage relationship should be rather than what God wants for it to be? Maybe part of God’s plan for marriage is to teach us to be givers and not takers, maybe we are to give with no expectation of getting anything back?  Now that is food for thought!

It seems to me that maybe just maybe we are making it harder on ourselves that it has to be? Bear with me here, is it true that if we are striving to become the people God wants us to be, if we are growing into the image of Jesus, if we are letting God truly take control of our lives, that indeed, our greatest needs are being met and our marriages grow?

It doesn’t take two to build a strong marriage, it takes three. To make a truly strong marriage it takes two people willing to give up…………………..give  up control, give up selfishness, give up the marriage to God.


We do forget to share the business of marriage with God, to ask for Gods help is to take the first step in having a stronger marriage. Don’t ask the question did I marry the right person, ask am I being the right partner to my spouse?

I read that God wants for us not happiness, but the joy which results from Godliness. That sound like a plan worth following.

“Marriage Takes Three”

I once thought marriage took

Just two to make a go.

But now I’m convinced

It takes the Lord also

And not one marriage fails

Where Christ is asked to enter

As lovers come together

With Jesus at the center

In homes where Christ is first

It’s obvious to see

Those unions really work

For marriage still takes three.

 Author: Peter Tanksley