Whoa, what am I doing and why can’t I get control of my life?
It seems I am right back where I have been a hundred times before.
What brings me to this place?
Work- lets just say that I am earning every bit of my salary lately. Bittersweet is the best word for work right now. There are very good things happening at work and we are heading in a good direction. These changes mean amazing things for the future of our program, however, as usual, bad always accompanies the good. A change in the direction of the road to the vision of success usually means construction. Building towards the future means letting go of the past.
School- I am entering crunch time in my Master’s Program. I have two more assignments and my capstone thesis (and defense) and I am done, I will have my Masters Degree. This brings a whole set of pressures for the next six months or so that are stressful in their own way.
My parent’s are critically ill and 8 hours away, my kids told me of plans in the works that mean changes that make me uncomfortable. I am happy for them but it is another bittersweet moment in life.
When work, family and school take all my attention, other parts of my life fall out of balance and get left behind. My poor husband gets neglected, study time, prayer time, time with God is put on the back burner, sleep schedules are all messed up, the house is a wreck and healthy eating and exercise, well forget it. Top that off with the fact that we are entering the season of sweets and temptation, my name for Thanksgiving and Christmas and put them all together and you end up where I am right now.
I am feeling sorry for myself, physically I am feeling (and probably looking) lumpy for lack of a better term, out of sorts, unbalanced and unfocused. This mood and feeling is probably best described as “ICKY”.
So I am back in the place I have been a hundred other times and I started doing exactly what I have done those other times. I sit down and make a big long elaborate plan that involves a commitment for the next 6 weeks to live healthier, eat healthier, go to the gym every day for those six weeks, etc and so forth. The more I looked at that overwhelming plan I had made for myself, (yet again) the more depressed I got.
A plan like that never worked before,I was never able to stick to it, why did I think it was going to work now?
So you know what I always end up doing………………nothing.
And do you know what changes when you do nothing………………..nothing changes if nothing changes. So how can I change this pattern and get back on the road to a balanced life?
Well the first thing is to ask for help and get my support team in place. Psalm 32: says God will instruct me and teach me the way I should go. Sometimes just making the decision to do something is the biggest part of the battle.
Maybe I do not need a detailed minute by minute plan for the next six weeks, that is overwhelming to thing about, let alone carry out. Maybe I only need a plan for today and the strength to get through the next fifteen minutes. God,will you do that for me, help me make it through this day in a healthy manner. We will worry about tomorrow , tomorrow.
The wisdom of Psalm 37 is very apparent to me this morning. When I commit everything I do to God and trust Him, He will help me. He doesn’t promise me a detailed guided tour, only a guided tour. I don’t need a six week plan, I need a plan for today.
I guess what I am trying to say here is I have a plan for today, that is as far ahead as I am capable of looking right now I have trust and faith that God will get me through that and together, when tomorrow comes, we will start the day together and make tomorrow’s plans at that time.